Famous words of Neil Armstrong

On July 20, 1969, Neil Armstrong was the first person to set foot on the moon. His first words, upon stepping on the moon, "That`s one small step for man, one giant leap for mankind!" were televised to Earth and heard by millions.
Just before he re-entered the lander, he made the enigmatic remark, "Good luck, Mr Gorsky!" Many people thought it was a casual remark concerning some rival Soviet cosmonaut. However, NASA confirmed there was no Mr Gorsky in either the Soviet or American space programs.
Over the years, people questioned Armstrong about the statement, but he only smiled. Finally, on July 5, 1995, at Tampa Bay, Florida, while answering questions following a speech, a reporter once again brought up the 26-year old question to Armstrong.
This time, he responded. Mr Gorsky had died, and so Neil Armstrong felt he could now answer the question.
Apparently, in 1938, as a kid in a small mid-west town, he was playing baseball with a friend in his backyard. As his friend hit the ball, it landed in his neighbour`s yard, by their bedroom window. The neighbours were Mr and Mrs Gorsky.
As young Neil bent to pick up the ball, he heard Mrs Gorsky yelling at her husband, "Sex? You want sex? You`ll get sex when the kid next door walks on the moon!

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Toast for wife

John O'Reilly hoisted his beer and said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, between the legs of me darling wife!"

That won him the top prize at the pub for the best toast of the night!

He went home and told his wife, Mary, "I won the prize for the Best toast of the night."

She said, "What was your toast?"

John said, "Here's to spending the rest of me life, sitting in church beside me wife."

"Oh, that is very nice indeed, John!" Mary said.

The next day, Mary ran into one of John's drinking buddies on the street corner.

The man chuckled leeringly and said, 'John won the prize the other night at the pub with a toast about you, Mary."

She said, "Aye, he told me, and I was a bit surprised myself. You know, he's only been there twice in the last four years. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come."

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Different kInds of sex

Delhi University recently conducted a research on various kind of sex. They interviewed over a million people and came out with the research which took them 20 years to complete.Results of a recent research shows that there are 7 kinds of sex.

The 1st kind of sex is called: Smurf Sex.
This kind of sex happens when you first meet someone, and you both have sex until you are blue in the face.

The 2nd kind of sex is called: Kitchen Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a short time, and you are so needy you will have sex anywhere, even in the kitchen.

The 3rd kind of sex is called: Bedroom Sex.
This is when you have been with your partner for a long time. Your sex has gotten routine, and you usually have sex only in your bedroom.

The 4th kind of sex is called: Hallway Sex
This is when you have been with your partner for too long. When you pass each other in the hallway you both say "screw you."

The 5th kind of sex is called: Religious Sex.
Which means you get Nun in the morning, Nun in the afternoon and Nun at night. (Very Popular)

The 6th kind is called Courtroom Sex.
This is when you cannot stand your wife any more. She takes you to court and screws you in front of everyone.

And, last, but not least:
The 7th kind of sex is called: Social Security Sex.
You get a little each month. But not enough to enjoy yourself.

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These are real websites

All of these are legitimate companies, who didn't spend quite enough time considering how their online name might appear! They are hysterical! These are not made up. Check them out yourself!

1. 'Who Represents' is where you can find the name of the agent that represents any celebrity.
Their Web site is: www.whorepresents.com

2. 'Experts Exchange' is a knowledge base where programmers can exchange advice and views.
Their website address is: www.expertsexchange.com

3. Looking for a great pen? Look no further than 'Pen Island'.
It can be found at: www.penisland.net

4. Need a therapist? Try 'Therapist Finder' at: www.therapistfinder.com

5. Then there's the 'Italian Power Generator' company. Check it out at: www.powergenitalia.com

6. 'IP computer' software, there's always: www.ipanywhere.com

7. And the designers at 'Speed of Art' await you at their wacky Web site: www.speedofart.com

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8. New Dictionary

9. Can anyone answer this ?

10. Cost Of Marriage.

Dumbest Kid ever

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!” Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. “Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?” The boy licked his cone and replied, “Because the day I take the dollar, the game is over.
                                                  Sent By: Shiv N Sharma

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Fishing Trip

Four friends spend weeks planning the perfect backwoods camping and fishing trip.

 Two days before the group is to leave, Frank's wife puts her foot down and tells him he isn't going. Frank's friends are very upset that he can't go but, what can they do...

 Two days later the three get to the camping site only to find Frank sitting there with a tent set up, firewood gathered, and fish cooking on the fire. "Damn man! How long you been here and how did you talk your wife into letting you go?"

 "Well, I've been here since yesterday. The night before yesterday evening I was sitting in my chair and my wife came up behind and put her hands over my eyes and said 'guess who'?" I pulled her hands off and she was wearing a brand new see through nightie.

 She took my hand and took me to our bedroom. The room had two dozen candles and rose pedals all over.

 She had handcuffs and ropes on the bed! She told me to tie and cuff her to the bed and I did. And then she said "Do whatever you want!"

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Sex problems

You Know you have Sex Problems when:

1. Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory.

2. When I was born, I was given a choice – A big ? or a good memory ………… I don’t remember, what I chose.

3. A wife is a sex object. Every time you ask for sex, she objects.

4. Impotence: Nature’s way of saying ‘No hard feeli ngs….’

5. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men – ‘don’t’ and ‘stop’, unless they are used together.

6. Panties: Not the best thing on earth, but next to the best thing on earth.

7. There are three stages of sex in a man’s life: Tri Weekly, Try Weekly, and Try Weakly.

8. Virginity can be cured.

9. Virginity is not dignity, it’s lack of opportunity.

10. Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

11. I tried phone sex once, but the holes in the dialler were too small..

12. Marriage is the only war where you get to sleep with the enemy.

13. Q: What’s an Australian kiss?
…. A: The same thing as a French kiss, only down under.

14. A couple just married were happy with the whole thing. He was happy with the Hole and she was happy with the Thing……

15. Q: What are the three biggest tragedies in a man’s life?
…. A: Life sucks, job sucks, and the wife doesn’t.

16. Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
…. A: Breasts don’t have eyes.

17. Despite the old saying, ‘Don’t take your troubles to bed’, many men still sleep with their wives!!

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Royal Wait9.Birds & Bees

Royal Wait

Bad Time To Be Honest

DJ: "Hey! This is Edgar on WBAM. Have you ever heard of 'MateMatch'?"
 Contestant: (laughing) "Yes, I have."
 DJ: "Great! Then you know we're giving away a trip to Orlando , Florida if you win. What is your name? First name only please."
 Contestant: "Brian."
 DJ: "Brian, are you married or what?"
 Brian: "Yes."
 DJ: "Yes? Does that mean you're married or you're what?"
 Brian: (laughing nervously) "Yes, I am married."
 DJ: "Thank you. Now, what is your wife's name? First only please."
 Brian: "Sara."
 DJ: "Is Sara at work, Brian?"
 Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
 DJ: "Stay with me here, Brian! Is she at work?"
 Brian: (laughing) "Yes, she's at work."
 DJ: "Okay, first question - when was the last time you had sex?"
 Brian: "She is gonna kill me."
 DJ: "Brian! Stay with me here!"
 Brian: "About 8 o'clock this morning."
 DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
 Brian: (laughing sheepishly) "Well..."
 DJ: "Question #2 - How long did it last?"
 Brian: "About 10 minutes."
 DJ: "Wow! You really want that trip, huh? No one would ever have said that if a trip wasn't at stake."


 Brian: "Yeah, that trip sure would be nice."
 DJ: "Okay. Final question. Where did you have sex at 8 o'clock this morning?"
 Brian: (laughing hard) "I, ummm, I, well..."
 DJ: "This sounds good, Brian. Where was it at?"
 Brian: "Not that it was all that great, but her mom is staying with us for a couple of weeks..."
 DJ: "Uh huh..."
 Brian: "...and the Mother-In-Law was in the shower at the time."
 DJ: "Atta boy, Brian."
 Brian: "On the kitchen table."
 DJ: "Not that great?? That is more adventure than the previous hundred times I've done it. Okay folks, I will put Brian on hold, get this wife's work number and call her up. You listen to this."-3 minutes of commercials follow
 DJ: "Okay audience, let's call Sarah, shall we?"(touch tones.... ringing....)
 Clerk: "Kinkos."
 DJ: "Hey, is Sarah around there somewhere?"
 Clerk: "This is she."
 DJ: "Sarah, this is Edgar with WBAM. We are live on the air right now and I've been talking with Brian for a couple of hours now."
 Sarah: (laughing) "A couple of hours?"
 DJ: "Well, a while now. He is on the line with us. Brian knows not to give any answers away o r you'll lose. So do you know the rules of 'MateMatch'?"
 Sarah: "No."
 DJ: "Good!"
 Brian: (laughing)
 Sarah: (laughing) "Brian, what the hell are you up to?"
 Brian (laughing) "Just answer his questions honestly, okay? Be completely honest."
 DJ: "Yeah yeah yeah. Sure. Now, I will ask you 3 questions, Sarah. If your answers match Brian's answers, then the both of you will be off to Orlando , Florida for 5 days on us. Disney World. Sea World. Tickets to the Magic's game. The whole deal. Get it Sarah?"
 Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."


 DJ: "Alright. When did you last have sex, Sarah?"
 Sarah: "Oh God, Brian....uh, this morning before Brian went to work."
 DJ: "What time?"
 Sarah: "Around 8 this morning."
 DJ: "Very good. Next question. How long did it last?"
 Sarah: "12, 15 minutes maybe."
 DJ: "Hmmmm. That's close enough. I am sure she is trying to protect his manhood. We've got one last question, Sarah. You are one question away from a trip to Florida. Are you ready?"
 Sarah: (laughing) "Yes."
 DJ: "Where did you have it?"
 Sarah: "OH MY GOD, BRIAN!! You didn't tell them that, did you?"
 Brian: "Just tell him, honey."
 DJ: "What is bothering you so much, Sarah?"
 Sarah: "Well, it's just that my mom is vacationing with us and..."
 DJ: Come on Sarah.....where did you have it?
 Sarah: "Up the ass....."
 After a long pause, the DJ said, "OK Folks, we need to take a station break......

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Apartment For Rent

A prosperous business man propositioned a beautiful girl to spend the night
 with him. She agreed to do so for $500. When he was ready to leave in the
 morning, he told her that he didn't have any money with him but that he
 would have his secretary write a check for it and make it out as "rent
 for an apartment." On the way to the office, he decided that the whole
 thing wasn't worth the price he had agreed to pay. So he advised his
 secretary to send the check for $250 and include the following note:


 Dear madam:

 Enclosed is my check in the amount of $250 for rent of your
 apartment. I am not sending the amount I agreed upon, because when I
 rented the apartment, I was under the impression:

 1. That it had never been occupied.
 2. That there was plenty of heat.
 3. That it was small.

 Last night, I found that it had been occupied, there wasn't any heat and
 it was entirely too large.


 Upon the receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check with
 the following note:


 Dear sir:

 I am returning your check for $250. I can not understand how
 you could expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied. As
 for the heat, there was plenty of it, if you knew how to turn it on. As
 for the size, it isn't my fault if you didn't have sufficient furniture
 to fill it.

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Points to ponder

 ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
 Smart man + smart woman = romance
 Smart man + dumb woman = affair
 Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
 Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy

 OFFICE ARITHMETIC
 Smart boss + smart employee = profit
 Smart boss + dumb employee = production
 Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
 Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime

 SHOPPING MATH
 A man will pay £2 for a £1 item he needs.
 A woman will pay £1 for a £2 item that she doesn't need.

 GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
 A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
 A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
 A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
 A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

 HAPPINESS
 To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

 To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to
 understand her at all.

 LONGEVITY
 Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

 PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
 A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't. A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

 DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
 A woman has the last word in any argument.
 Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

 HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED
 Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next." They stopped after I started
 doing the same thing to them at funerals.

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How to go home late drunk

Two married buddies are out drinking one night when one turns to the other and says, "You know, I don't know what else to do. Whenever I go home after we've been out drinking, I turn the headlights off before I get to the driveway. I shut off the engine and coast into the garage. I take my shoes off before I go into the house, I sneak up the stairs, I get undressed in the bathroom. I ease into bed and my wife STILL wakes up and yells at me for staying out so late!"


His buddy looks at him and says, "Well, you're obviously taking the wrong approach. I screech into the driveway, slam the door, storm up the steps, throw my shoes into the closet, jump into bed, rub my hands on my wife's ass and say, 'How about a blowjob?' ....And she's always sound asleep."

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Three Daughters on Honeymoon

-->

There were three daughters and they all wanted to get married but they couldn't afford it and neither could there parents. So the parents said "We will give you all a joint wedding and then you will all be able to get married".
So they got married and all three daughters then said "I want a honeymoon but we cant afford it". The parents couldn't afford it either so they deiced they would have the honeymoon at their parents house.
So on there honeymoon night their mother woke up and deiced to go downstairs and get a drink. On the way down she heard the first daughter screaming but she juts ignored it. When she reached the second daughters bedroom she could hear laughing and just ignored it. When she reached the third daughters room she could hear nothing and deiced 2 ignore it.
The next morning at the breakfast table she said to the first daughter "Why were you screaming?". And the daughter replied "Well mother you told me 2 scream when something hurt."
Then the mother said to the second daughter "Why were you laughing last night?" and the daughter replied "Mother you told me to laugh when something tickled".
Then the mother said to the last daughter "Why didn't I hear anything coming from your room last night?" and the daughter replied "Well mother you told me never to talk with my mouth full".

-->

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Nobody remains Virgin

Life in India: Very Interesting

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Deserted guy

One day a man, who had been stranded on a desert island for over ten years sees an unusual speck on the horizon.

"It's certainly not a ship", he thinks to himself.

As the speck gets closer and closer he begins to rule out the possibilities of a small boat, then even a raft. Suddenly, emerging from the surf, comes a drop dead gorgeous blonde woman wearing a wet suit and scuba gear.

She approaches the stunned guy and says, "Tell me, how long has it been since you've had a cigarette?"

"Ten years," replies the stunned man.

With that she reaches over and unzips a waterproof pocket on her left sleeve and pulls out a pack of cigarettes.

He takes one, lights it, takes a long drag and says, "Man, oh man! Is that good!!"

"And how long has it been since you've had a sip of bourbon?" she asks him.

Trembling the castaway replies, "Ten years."

She reaches over, unzips her right sleeve, pulls out a flask and hands it to him.

He opens the flask, takes a long swig and says, "WOW, that's absolutely fantastic!"

At this point she starts slowly unzipping the long zipper that runs down the front of her wet suit, looks at the man seductively, and asks, "And how long has it been since you've played around?"

With tears in his eyes, the guy falls to his knees and sobs, "Oh good Lord! Don't tell me you've got golf clubs in there too?"

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Princess and A Guy

A computer programmer was walking along the side of a lake when he came across a funny looking frog. The guy picked up the frog, put it into his pocket, and went on his way.
A couple of minutes of walking later, the man heard a cry from inside his pocket, "help, help"! He took out the frog, looked at it, smiled, and put it back into his pocket.
Again, "help, help me, a wicked witch has turned me into a frog, kiss me and I'll turn into a beautiful princess". Again the man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and put it back again.
Moments later, "Help me, help me, a wicked witch has turned me into a frog, kiss me and I'll turn into a beautiful princess. I'll do_anything_if_ you_ help_ me, anything"! The man simply took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it, and put it back again!
The little green frog again screamed out "Help, I'm the most beautiful princess, if you kiss me and help me I'll do anything, marry you, sleep with you, give you money, ANYTHING." The man took the frog out of his pocket, smiled and said "I'm a computer programmer; I work too much so a girlfriend or wife is of no use to me. But, a small talking green frog is cool."

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