Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q: How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A:You don't. There's a clock on the oven!
Q: Why do men pass gas more than women do?
A: Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, which do you let in first?
A: The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.
All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman that won't do what she's told.
Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.
Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.
Scientists have discovered one certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%... wedding cake.
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