How to turn men down

He: Can I buy you a drink?
She: Actually, i'd rather have the money
He: I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours.
She: I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours.
He: Your face must turn a few heads.
She: And your face must turn a few stomachs.
He: Haven't I seen you some place before?
She: Yes, that's why I don't go there anymore.
He: If I could see you naked, I'd die happy.
She: If I saw you naked, I'd probably die laughing.
He: How do you like your eggs in the morning?
She: Unfertilized.
He: I want to give myself to you.
She: Sorry, I don't accept cheap gifts.
He: Didn't we go on a date once? or was it twice?
She: Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice.

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What a woman thinks

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WHAT A WOMAN THINKS:

THE MOST PERFECT MAN IN THE WORLD IS HER FATHER

THE MOST ABUSED HUSBAND IN THE WORLD IS HER BROTHER

THE MOST HANDSOME MAN IN THE WORLD IS HER SON

THE LUCKIEST AND HAPPIEST MAN IN THE WORLD IS HER SISTER'S HUSBAND

...

THE MOST THANKFUL MAN IN THE WORLD IS HER SON IN LAW

AND THE WORST, MOST SELFISH, HEARTLESS, TOTAL JERK AND
THE MAN WITH WORST BEHAVIOR IN THE WORLD IS HER HUSBAND.

 

Best Years of Life

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A popular motivational speaker was entertaining his audience. He Said : “The best years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who wasn’t my wife!” The audience was in silence and shock. The speaker added: “And that woman was my mother!”

Laughter and applause.

A week later, a top manager trained by the motivational speaker tried to crack this very effective joke at home. He was a bit foggy after a drink. He said loudly to his wife who was preparing dinner,”The greatest years of my life were spent in the arms of a woman who was not my wife!”

The wife went; “ah!” with shock and rage.  Standing there for 20 seconds trying to recall the second half of the joke, the manager finally blurted out “…and I can’t remember who she was!”
By the time the manager regained his consciousness, he was on a hospital bed nursing burns from boiling water

Moral of story: Don't copy if you can not paste

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Beer or Woman.....

Beer Vs Woman :
A Beer is alwys wet, a woman is not!
-1 point4 beer!
Beer is horrible, when it is hot!
-1 point4 women!
A cold beer satisfies you!
-1 point 4beer!
For a beer, you pay taxes!
-1 point 4women!
If you take a second beer, the first one doesn't get angry!
-1 point4beer! :)
You can always be sure that, you are the first one Opening a beer!
-1 point 4beer! :D
If you shake a beer, after a while it calms down by itself!
-1 point 4beer!
You know exactly how much a beer costs!
-1 point 4 beer!
A beer does not have a mother!
-1 point 4 beer!
Beer won

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