Having sex is yet another great past time for burning up those unwanted fat producing calories...
REMOVING CLOTHES | |
With partner's consent... | 12 calories |
Without partner's consent... | 187 calories |
UNHOOKING BRA | |
Using two calm hands... | 7 calories |
Using one trembling hand... | 36 calories |
GETTING INTO BED | |
Lifting partner... | 1.5 calories |
Dragging partner along floor... | 16 calories |
Using skateboard... | 3 calories |
ACHIEVING ERECTIONS | |
For normal healthy man... | 2.5 calories |
Losing erection... | 14 calories |
Searching for it... | 115 calories |
PUTTING ON CONDOM | |
With erection... | 1.5 calories |
Without erection... | 300 calories |
INSERTING DIAPHRAGM | |
If the woman who does it is: | |
Experienced... | 6 calories |
Inexperienced... | 73 calories |
If a man does it... | 650 calories |
Add five calories for retrieving it from across the room. | |
POSSIBLE INTERCOURSE SIDE EFFECTS | |
Bouncing... | 7 calories |
Sliding around... | 9 calories |
Serious skidding... | 12 calories |
Whiplash... | 27 calories |
ORGASM | |
Real... | 27 calories |
Faked... | 160 calories |
ORGASMIC INTENSITY SCALE | |
Shoes flew off... | 35 calories |
Expression didn't change... | 0.5 calories |
Orchestra swelled... | 6 calories |
Birds sang: | |
Large birds... | 7 calories |
Small birds... | 3 calories |
Earth moved... | 30 calories |
PULLING OUT | |
After orgasm... | 0.5 calories |
A few moments before orgasm... | 500 calories |
PENIS ENVY | |
For woman... | 3 calories |
For men... | 72 calories |
GUILT | |
Banging your boss for a promotion... | 30 calories |
Sex during a 'sickie'... | 10 calories |
Bonking each other with parents in other room... | 7 calories |
Putting it on your expense account... | 9 calories |
AGGRAVATION | |
Partner keeps showing plant... | 5 calories |
Partner insists on dog cuddling during foreplay... | 14 calories |
Partner just visited bathroom for 7th time... | 10 calories |
Partner is taking phone calls... | 7 calories |
Partner is making phone calls... | 40 calories |
GETTING CAUGHT | |
By partner's spouse... | 60 calories |
By your spouse... | 100 calories |
Trying to explain... | 55 calories |
Trying to remain calm... | 100 calories |
Leaping out of bed... | 75 calories |
Getting dressed in one motion... | 500 calories |
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