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Monday, November 28, 2011

How different people think about sex

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Woman 1: I had sex last night, did you?

Woman 2: Yes.

Woman 1: Was it good?

Woman 2: No, it was a disaster... My husband came home, ate his dinner in three minutes, got on top of me, finished having sex in five minutes, rolled over and fell asleep in two minutes. How was yours?

Woman 1: Oh it was amazing! My husband came home and took me out to a romantic dinner. After dinner we walked for an hour. When we came home he lit the candles around the house and we had an hour of foreplay. We then had an hour long session of fantastic sex and afterwards talked for an hour. It was like a fairytale!

At the same time, their husbands are talking at work.

Husband 1: You wanted sex last night, how was it?

Husband 2: Great. I came home, dinner was on the table, and I ate, screwed my wife and fell asleep. It was great! What about you?

Husband 1: It was horrible. I came home, there's no dinner because they cut the electricity because I hadn't paid the bill; so I had to take my wife out to dinner which was so expensive that I didn't have money left for a cab. We had to walk home which took an hour; and when we got home remember there was no electricity so I had to light fucking candles all over the house! I was so angry that I couldn't get it up for an hour and then I couldn't come for another hour. After I finally did, I was so aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep and my wife was jabbering away for another hour!



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Saturday, November 12, 2011

Rhyming Boyfriends

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This guy has four daughters who all live at home. One Friday night the doorbell rings. The guy answers it and a kid standing there says, "Hi, I`m Freddy. I`m here to pick up Betty. We`re gonna go eat spaghetti. Is she ready?"
The man mildly amused, calls down his daughter and the two leave.
A few minutes later the doorbell rings again and he answers. A kid standing there says, "Hi, I`m Jim. I`m here to see Kim. We`re gonna go for a swim. Can I come in?"
The guy, now perplexed, says, "Yes," and the two take off.
A few minutes later the doorbell rings and again the father answers. A kid standing there says, "Hi, I`m Joe. I`m here to pick up Flo. We`re gonna go to the show. Can she go?"
The man, now kind of annoyed, says, "Yes." The two depart.
Sure enough, a few minutes later the door rings and the father answers. A kid standing there says, "Hi, I`m Chuck.."

The father shot him.


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Friday, November 11, 2011

Is it your ball?

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A man staggers into an emergency room with two black eyes and a five iron wrapped tightly around his throat. Naturally the doctor asks him what happened.

"Well, it was like this," said the man. "I was having a quiet round of golf with my wife when she sliced her ball into a pasture of cows. We went to look for it and while I was rooting around, I noticed one of the cows had something white at its rear end.

"I walked over and lifted up the tail and sure enough, there was my wife's golf ball... stuck right in the middle of the cow's bottom. That's when I made my mistake."

"What did you do?", asks the doctor.

"Well, I lifted the tail and yelled to my wife, 'Hey, this looks like yours!"


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Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Which Is Better : Hand or Girl

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Girl  Or Hand:  What is better 
I would say hand is better than girl because of following reasons
1. Hand don’t mind if you   use other hand
2. It won’t mind if you use someone else hand.
3. It doesn’t have Headaches.
4. It doesn’t need any jewellery.
5. It never ask you to take it for shopping.
6. Never nags you.
7. Don’t have mood swings.
8. Never talk back.
9. Don’t ask about your past.

But the biggest reason is

              It don’t calls you two week later.


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