Psychotherapist

A psychotherapist, starting from scratch, was having such success in his business that he could now afford to have a proper shop banner advertising his wares. So he told a kid to paint the sign board for him & put it above his shop entrance.


But, instead of his business building up, it began to slacken. He had especially noticed the ladies shying away from his shop after reading the sign board. So he decided to check it out himself. Then he began to understand why!


The boy found a small wooden board so he had to split the word in 3 places. The sign read:
Psycho-
the-
rapist

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Satan And Church

A few minutes before the services started, the church people were sitting in their pews and talking.

Suddenly, Satan appeared at the front of the church. Everyone started screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in a frantic effort to get away from the evil one. Soon everyone had exited the church except for one elderly gentleman who sat calmly in his pew without moving, unconcerned to the fact that mankind’s enemy was in his presence.


So Satan walked up to the old man and said, "Don’t you know who I am?"

The man replied, "Yep, your Satan."

"Aren’t you afraid of me?" Satan asked.

"No, sure ain’t" said the man.

"Don’t you realize what I can do to you?" asked Satan.

"I know what you can do to me," replied the old man.

"And you’re still not afraid?" asked Satan.

"Nope." A little perturbed, Satan asked, "Well, why aren’t you afraid of me?"

The man calmly replied, "Well, I’ve been married to your sister for over 48 years.

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Beautiful Models On Sale

Santa and Banta were looking at a catalog and admiring the models.

Santa says to the Banta, "Have you seen the beautiful girls in this catalog?"

Banta replies, "Yes, they are very beautiful. And look at the price!"

Santa says, with wide eyes, "Wow, they aren't very expensive. At this price, I'm buying one."

Banta smiles and pats him on the back, "Good idea! Order one and if she's as beautiful as she is in the catalog, I will get one too."

Three weeks later, Banta asks Santa, "Did you ever receive the girl you ordered from the catalog?"

Santa replies, "No, but it shouldn't be long now. I got her clothes yesterday!"

Confessions

A Priest had been in confessions all day without a break. He really had to take a dump, and his blatter was about to burst because he hadn't been able to relieve himself all day. People kept coming to confess and the line was backed up already and he hated to leave. But he peeked out of his cubicle and signaled the janitor to come over. He asked the janitor to cover for him and gave him the confessions book then sped off in the direction of the bathroom.
The janitor was a little bewildered but he went into the cubicle and sat down. A woman came knelt in front of his window and said, "Father I have sinned. I cheated on my husband."
The janitor scanned in the book until he found "adultery".
He told the woman to say 50 "Hail Mary's" and wash in holy water.
Next came a man who told the janitor, "Forgive me Father, for I have sinned. I had oral sex with another man."
The janitor looked and looked but he couldn't find a penance listed for oral sex. He leans out of the cubicle and whispered to an altar boy, "Hey, boy, what does the priest give for oral sex?"
With a smile, the boy replied, "Five dollars and a candy bar!"

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