Married Guy

Santa wakes up with a huge hangover after attending his company's New Year's Party. Santa is not normally a drinker, but the drinks didn't taste like alcohol at all. He didn't even remember how he got home from the party. As bad as he was feeling, he wondered if he did something wrong. Santa had to force himself to open his eyes, and the first thing he sees is a couple of Disprins next to a glass of water on the side table.





And, next to them, a red rose!! Santa sits up and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed. He looks around the room and sees that it is in perfect order, spotlessly clean. So is the rest of the house.

He takes the Disprins, cringes when he sees a huge black eye staring back at him in the bathroom mirror. Then he notices a note hanging on the corner of the mirror written in red with little hearts on it and a kiss mark from his wife in lipstick:

"Sweetheart, breakfast is on the table, I left early to get the shopping to make you your favourite dinner tonight. I love you, darling! Love, Preeto."

He stumbles to the kitchen and sure enough, there is breakfast, steaming hot tea and the newspaper. His son is also at the table, eating.

Santa asks, "Pappu... what happened last night?"





"Well, you came home after 3 AM, drunk and out of your mind. You fell over the coffee table and broke it, and then you puked in the hallway and got that black eye when you ran into the door."

Confused, he asked, "So, why is everything in such perfect order and so clean? I have a rose, and breakfast is on the table waiting for me?"

Pappu replies, "Oh THAT... Mom dragged you to the bedroom, and when she tried to take your pants off, you screamed.... 'Leave me alone, I'm married!! Leave me alone, I'm married!!"

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7. Dying Gift

8. New Dictionary

9. Can anyone answer this ?

10. Cost Of Marriage.

Who wants to go to heaven

A pastor at a frontier church ended a stirring sermon with, "All those who want to go to heaven, put up your hands!"

Everybody enthusiastically raised their hands.... everybody except a grizzled old cowboy who had been slouching against the door post at the back of the room.

All heads turned as he sauntered up to the front, spurs jangling and said, "Preacher, that was too easy. How do you know if these folks are serious? I can guarantee to prove who really means it and who don't!"

Bemused the preacher said, "Ok, stranger, go ahead and put the faith of these good people to the test. Ask them anything you want."

At that, the cowpoke pulled his twin six-shooters, turned to the audience and said, "Alright... who wants to go to heaven... raise your hands!"

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5. Indian Hell

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7. Dying Gift

8. New Dictionary

9. Can anyone answer this ?

10. Cost Of Marriage.

Young Rooster

A farmer bought a brand new stud rooster to copulate with his chickens. He put the rooster straight in the pen so he can get down to business. 
 The young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says "OK, old fellow, time to retire." 
The old rooster says, "You can't handle all these chickens. Look at what it did to me!" 
 The young rooster replies, "Now, don't give me a hassle about this. Time for the old to step aside and let the young to take over, so take a hike." 
 The old rooster says, "Aw, c'mon.  Just let me have the two old hens over in the corner. I won't bother you." 
 The young rooster says, "Scram! Beat it! You're washed up! I'm taking over!" 
 So, the old rooster thinks for a minute and then says to the young rooster, "I'll tell you what, young fellow, I'll have a race with you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins the race gets domain of the chicken coop. And if I'm so feeble, why not give me a little head start?"
 The young rooster says, "Sure, why not, you know I'll still beat you."
 They line up in back of the farmhouse, get a chicken go cluck "Go!" and the old rooster took off running. 
 About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off after him. They round the front of the farmhouse and the young rooster is only about five inches behind the old rooster and gaining fast. 
 The farmer, sitting on the porch, looks up, sees what's going on, grabs his shotgun and BOOM! He shoots the young rooster. 
He shakes his head gloomily and says to his wife...
"Son of a bitch ... third gay rooster I bought this week!"

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Blonde At Toy Factory

There is a factory in Northern Minnesota which makes "The Tickle Me Elmo" toys. The toy laughs whenou tickle it under the arms.
Well, Lena is hired at The Tickle Me Elmo factory & on her first day start work at 8:00 AM.
Next day at 8:45 AM there is a knock at l Manager's door. The Foreman begins to rant about the new employee.
He complains that she is incredibly slow & the whole line is backing up, putting entire production line behind schedule.
Manager decides to see this for himself When he get there the line is so backed up that there are Tickle Me Elmo's all over the factory floor and are really beginning to pile up.


At the end of the line stands Lena surrounded by mountains of Tickle Me Elmo's. She has a roll of plush red fabric & a huge bag of small marbles.
The 2 men watch in amazement as she cuts a little piece of fabric, wraps it around two marbles and begins to carefully sew the little package between Elmo's legs.
The Personnel Manager bursts into laughter. After several minutes of hysterics he approaches Lena.


"I'm sorry," he says to her, barely able to keep a straight face, but I think you misunderstood the instructions yesterday..."
"Your job is to give Elmo two test tickles".

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