Honeymoon Boat Cruise

Two newlyweds are riding in the back of a limo on the way to their honeymoon boat cruise.

The husband says, "Honey, I want to stop and pick up some condoms before we go."

"Good idea," she says. "While you're in there, pick me up some Dramamine."

The groom gets out, walks into the drugstore and says to the clerk, "I'd like a box of condoms and a package of Dramamine, please."

"Yes sir, says the clerk, "But do you mind if I ask you a question? If it makes you nauseous, why do you do it?

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How to make your Wife scream

The Italian says, "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with the finest olive oil, then we made passionate love and I made her scream non stop for five minutes."

The Frenchman says, "Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with special aphrodisiac oil, and then we made passionate love. I made her scream for fifteen minutes straight."

The Indian says, That's nothing. Last night I massaged my wife all over her body with Ghee. I caressed her entire body, and then made love and I made her scream for two long hours."

The Italian and Frenchman, astonished, asked, "Two hours, phenomenal! How did you make her scream for two hours?"

The Indian replied, "I wiped my hands on the curtains...!"

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India Denoted Atomic bomb

A presidential staff advisory walks into the daily meeting a little late and 
notices that everyone has a glum look on their face -- some even look a little 
frightened -- and President Bill Clinton isn't in the room.

"What's the matter?" he asked


"Well, we had some bad news, and just got some even worse news."

"What's the bad news?"

"India has detonated some atomic weapons at their underground test site; Pakistan
has done the same at their proving area; and China is warning them both that this
could lead to regional war -- that may go nuclear."

"Oh my God, what could be worse than that?"


"Well, Bill just got hold of some Viagra."

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The cap seller and the monkeys

Once upon a time there was a nice young man called Karim. He used to sell caps
for a living, and roamed around several villages. One day he would be in 
Mughalsarai, the other day people would find him in Faizabad. 

It was an afternoon in the summer and he was traversing the vast plains when he 
felt tired and wanted to have a nap. He found a nice mango tree with lots of 
branches and cool shade, placed his bag of caps beside him and went to sleep. 
Tired as he was, he was quickly fast asleep. When he woke up after a refreshing
little nap, he found that there weren't any caps in his bag! 

"Oh, Allah!", he said to himself, "Did the thieves have to find me of all 
people?" But then he noticed that the mango tree was full of cute monkeys 
wearing colorful caps! 

He yelled at the monkeys and they screamed back. He made faces at them and 
found the monkeys to be experts at that. He threw stones at them and they 
showered him with raw mangoes. 

"Ya Allah, how do I get my caps back," he said. 

Frustrated, he took off his own cap and slammed it on the ground. And Lo, the
stupid monkeys threw their caps too! Smart Karim didn't waste a second, 
collected the caps and was on his way. 

50 YEARS LATER.... 

Young Abdul, grandson of famous topiwala Karim who was also working hard at 
making $$$ doing his family business, was going through the same jungle. 

After a long walk he was very tired and found a nice mango tree with lots of
branches and cool shade. Abdul decided to rest a while and very soon was fast
asleep. A few hours later, when Abdul woke up, he realized that all the caps 
from his bag were gone! Abdul started searching for the same and to his 
surprise found some monkeys sitting on the mango tree wearing his caps. 

Abdul was frustrated and didn't know what to do. And then he remembered a 
story his grandfather proudly used to tell him. 

"Yes!!!! I can fool these monkeys!!!", said Abdul. 

"I'll make them imitate me and very soon I'll get all my caps back!" 

Abdul waved at the monkeys -- the Monkeys waved at Abdul. Abdul blew his nose
-- the Monkeys blew their noses. Abdul started dancing -- the Monkeys were 
also dancing. Abdul pulled his ears -- the Monkeys pulled their ears. Abdul 
raised his hands -- the Monkeys raised their hands. 


Abdul threw his cap on the ground ............ .... one of the monkeys jumped
down from the tree, walked up to Abdul; slapped him and said, "Do you think 

ONLY YOU HAD A GRANDFATHER?????"

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How to make Bollywood Movie

"Rules For Indian Movies"

1. If the number of heroes is not equal to the number of heroines, the excess heroes/heroines will
a) die
a) join the Red Cross and take off to Switzerland before the end of the movie.

2. If there are 2 heroes in a movie, they will fight each other savagely for at least 5 minutes (10 if they are brothers).

3. Any court scene will have the dialogue "Objection milord". If it is said by the hero, or his lawyer, it will be sustained. Else, it will be overruled.

4. The hero's sister will usually marry the hero's best friend (i. e. the second hero). Else, she will be raped by the villain within the first 30 minutes, and commit suicide.

5. In a chase, the hero will always overtake the villain, even on a bullock-cart, or on foot.

6. When the hero fires at the villain(s), he will never
a) miss
a) run out of bullets.
When the villain fires at the hero, he will always miss (unless the hero is required to die).

7. Any fight sequence shall take place in the vicinity of a stack of
a) pots
a) barrels
a) glass bottles, which will be smashed to pieces.

8. Any movie involving lost and found brothers will have a song sung by
a) the brothers
a) their blind mother (but of course, she has to be blind in order to regain her sight in the climax)
a) the family dog/cat.

The amazing thing is that these folks remember the song after 20 years in the movie, and you can't remember it 2 minutes after coming out of the theatre.

9. Police inspectors (when not played by the hero) come in three categories:
a) Scrupulously honest, probably the hero's father - killed by the villain before the titles.
a) Honest, but always chasing the anti-hero, saying "Tum kanoon se bach nahin sakte ( you can not escape law)", only to pat him in the back in reel 23. Usually, this inspector's daughter is in love with the anti-hero.
c) The corrupt inspector, (usually the real villain's sidekick) unceremoniously knocked about by the hero(s) in the climax

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