Aids Virus

There was a German, an Italian and our Santa on death row. The warden gave them a choice of three ways to die:

To be shot
To be hung
To be injected with the AIDS virus for a slow death.

The German said, "Shoot me right in the head." (Boom, he was dead instantly.)

Then the Italian said, "Just hang me." (Snap, he was dead.)

Then Banta said, "Give me some of that AIDS stuff."

They gave him the shot, and Banta fell down laughing. The guards looked at each other and wondered what was wrong with this guy.

Then Banta said, "Give me another one of those shots." So the guards did. Now he was laughing so hard, tears rolled from his eyes and he doubled over.

Finally the warden said, "What is wrong with you?"

Banta replied, "You guys are so stupid..... I'm wearing a condom!"

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Psychiatrist Session

GIRL: I have done a great sin. I called my boyfriend a BASTARD.
PSYCHIATRIST: Well now, that’s not a nice thing to call anyone, so what did he do to deserve that?
GIRL: Well, he kissed me.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: .. Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD.


GIRL: But, he put his hand in my bra.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he took my clothes off.
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD.


GIRL: But, he had sex with me!
PSYCHIATRIST: You mean like this?
GIRL: .Yes!
PSYCHIATRIST: Well that’s no reason to call him a BASTARD.
GIRL: But, he told me he has AIDS.
PSYCHIATRIST: BASTARD!

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Blood Sample Mixup

Mr. Smith goes to the doctor’s office to collect his wife’s test results.

Receptionist: "I’m sorry, sir, but there has been a bit of a mix-up and we have a problem. When we sent the samples from your wife to the lab, the samples from
another Mrs. Smith were sent as well and we are now uncertain which one is your wife’s. Frankly, that’s either bad or terrible."


Mr. Smith: "What do you mean?"

Receptionist: "Well, one Mrs. Smith has tested positive for Alzheimer disease and the other was positive for AIDS. We can’t tell which is your wife."

Mr. Smith: "That’s terrible! Can we do the test over?"

Receptionist: "Normally, yes. But you have an HMO, and they won’t pay for these expensive tests more than once."

Mr. Smith: "Well, what am I supposed to do now?"

Receptionist: "The doctor recommends that you drop your
wife off in the middle of town. If she finds her way home, don’t sleep with her."

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