Crack In The Shoe

Luigi walks to work 20 blocks everyday and passes a shoe store twice every day. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much... it's all he can think about. After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchased them.

Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement. Luigi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time.

He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, "Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?"

Startled, Sophia replies, "Yes, Luigi , I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?"

Luigi answers, "I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes. How do you like them?"

Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, "Rosa , do you wear white panties tonight?"

Rosa answers, "Yes, Luigi , I do, but how do you know that?"

He replies, "I see the reflection in my new$300 Armani leather shoes... How do you like them?"

Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luigi asks Carmela to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns red... He states, "Carmela, be stilla my heart. Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight. Please, please, tella me this true!" Carmela smiles coyly and answers, "Yes Luigi , I wear no panties tonight..."

Luigi gasps, "Thanka Goda ....I thought I had a CRACK in my$300 Armani leather shoes...!"
. . . .

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Gorilla Encounter

 Two gay guys are at the Zoo. They come across a gorilla and notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this.

One of the men just can't bear it any longer, and he reaches into the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for two hours non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by. When he's done, the gorilla throws the man out of the cage.

An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

A few days later, his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT?" he shouts. "Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called! He hasn't written!" 

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When Is Your Birthday

Mulla:  Mr. Sardar when is  your birthday?

Sardar: Next week, why?

Mulla:  So I can gift you curtains. I am quite bored seeing you having sex with your wife.

Sardar: Ok , But when is your birthday?

Mulla: Next month, why?

Sardar: So I can present you with binoculars. So you can see whose wife it is.

Moral:  It is not always that a Sardar is at receiving end of joke.

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8. Only 24 hours to Live

9. Mightiest of All

10. Little Johny In School.

Winning A contest

Two guys went to a gas station that was holding a contest: a chance to win free sex when you filled your tank. They pumped their gas and went to pay the male attendant.

"I'm thinking of a number between one and ten," he said. "If you guess right, you win free sex."

"Okay," agreed one of the guys, "I guess seven."

"Sorry, I was thinking of eight," replied the attendant.

The next week they tried again. When they went to pay, the attendant told them to pick a number.

"Two!" said the second guy.

"Sorry, it's three, said the attendant. "Come back and try again."

As they walked out to their car, one guy said to the other, "I think this contest is rigged."

"No way," said his buddy. "My wife won twice last week."

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Honest Wood cutter

A Woodcutter Loses his Axe  Lord Offers him Both Gold & Silver
but He takes his Own Axe  Seeing his Honesty Lord gives him All 3.

One day he goes Again to the Forest with his Wife. But his Wife Falls into The River, he Cries and Pleads to the  Lord to give him his Wife back.
Lord brings Out Angelina Jolie & Asked
'Is this your Wife'
He Replied - Yes.!
Lord said 'you Lied and you are  gonna be Punished'
He Said 'wait ...Lord I Lied because if I had Said No, You Would have taken out Cameron Diaz.
If Then I said no, you Would have taken Out My Wife and Seeing my Honesty, You Would have Given me All 3.
But I m a Poor Man, I Can't keep All 3. So I said Yes to Angelina.
God: You are going to make me cry. Take Angelina

Moral: Men are Honest Liars. ;)

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Email

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Baked Bean Lover

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One day I met a sweet woman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.
Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my wife and told her that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released all the gas.
Upon my arrival, my wife seemed excited to see! me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight."
She then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as she was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. She made me promise not to touch the blindfold until she returned and went to answer the call. The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my wife was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously. Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage. Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes. The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself. My face must have been the picture of innocence when my wife returned, apologizing for taking so long. She asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured her I had not. At this point, she removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!" I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!

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Would girls ever understand?

A Boy was driving a car.

A girl on scooty overtook him.

Boy shouted, "Hey Buffalo"

Girl turned back n shouted.. "you donkey, idiot, stupid monkey"

Suddenly she had an accident She was hit by a buffalo crossing d road..

MORAL: "Girls never understand what a boy wants 2 say.

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Grandma and Oranges

A young teenaged girl was a prostitute and, for obvious reasons, kept it a secret from her grandma. One day, the police raided a brothel and arrested a group of prostitutes, including the young girl. The prostitutes were instructed to line up in a straight line on the sidewalk. Well, who should be walking in the neighborhood, but little old Grandma. The young girl was frantic.

Sure enough, Grandma noticed her young granddaughter and asked curiously, "What are you lining up for, dear?" Not willing to let grandma in on her little secret, the young girl told her that some people were passing out free oranges and that she was lining up for some.

"Mmm, sounds lovely," said Grandma. "I think I'll have some myself," she continued as she made her way to the back of the line. A police officer made his way down the line, questioning all of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, at the end of the line, he was bewildered. "But you are so old... how do you do it?"

Grandma replied, "Oh, it's quite easy, sonny... I just remove my dentures and suck them dry!"

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How to get even with your husband

A man left work one Friday afternoon. But, being payday, instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home, Sunday night, he was confronted by a very angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade befitting his actions.

Finally his wife stopped the nagging and simply said to him. "How would you like it if you didn't see me for two or three days?"

To which he replied. "That would be fine with me."

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Monday went by and he didn't see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came and went with the same results. Come Thursday, the swelling went down just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his left eye.
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Who Is Real Father

A woman starts dating a doctor. Before too long, she becomes pregnant and they don't know what to do. About nine months later, just about the time she is going to give birth, a priest goes into the hospital for a prostate gland infection.

The doctor says to the woman, "I know what we'll do. After I've operated on the priest, I'll give the baby to him and tell him it was a miracle."


"Do you think it will work?" she asks the doctor.


"It's worth a try," he says.


So the doctor delivers the baby and then operates on the priest. After the operation he goes in to the priest and says, "Father, you're not going to believe this."


"What?" says the priest. "What happened?"


"You gave birth to a child."


"But that's impossible!"

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"I just did the operation," insists the doctor. "It's a miracle! Here's your baby."


About fifteen years go by, and the priest realizes that he must tell his son the truth.


One day he sits the boy down and says, "Son, I have something to tell you. I'm not your father."


The son says, "What do you mean, you're not my father?"


The priest replies, "I'm your mother. The archbishop is your father."

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Whats in a Dog's Name

Hi friends this joke was sent to me by a very dear friend of Mine. Though some might find it offensive but i like this joke , so sharing with everyone to enjoy


The Joke is titled

I Call My Dog Sex

Everybody I know who has a dog usually calls him "Rover" or "Spot". I call mine Sex.

Now, Sex has been very embarrassing to me.
When I went to the City Hall to renew the dog's license, I told the clerk that I would like a license for Sex.
He said, "I would like to have one too!" Then I said, "But she is a dog!" He said he didn't care what she looked like.
I said, "You don't understand... I have had Sex since I was nine years old." He replied,
"You must have been quite a strong boy."

When I decided to get married, I told the minister that I would like to have Sex at the wedding. He told me to wait until after the wedding was over.
I said, "But Sex has played a big part in my life and my whole world revolves around Sex."
He said he didn't want to hear about my personal life and would not marry us in his church. I told him everyone would enjoy having Sex at the wedding.
The next day we
were married at the Justice of the Peace.
My family is barred from the church from then on.

When my wife and I went on our honeymoon, I took the dog with me.
When we checked into the motel, I told the clerk that I wanted a room for me and my wife and a special room for Sex.
He said that every room in the motel is a place for sex. I said, "You don't understand. ... Sex keeps me awake at
night."
The clerk said, "Me too!"

One day I entered Sex in a contest. But before the competition began, the dog ran away.
Another contestant asked me why I was just looking around.
I told him that I was going to have Sex in the contest. He said that I should have sold my own tickets. "You don't understand," I said, "I hoped to have Sex on TV."
He called me a show off.

When my wife and I separated, we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said, "Your Honor, I had Sex before I was married but Sex left me after I was married." The Judge said, "Me too!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking all over for her.
A cop came over and asked me what I was doing in the alley at 4 o'clock in the morning.
I said, "I'm looking for Sex." - My case comes up next Thursday.

Well now I've been thrown in jail, been divorced and had more damn troubles with that dog than I ever foresaw.
Why just the other day when I went for my first session with the psychiatrist, she asked me, "What seems to be the trouble?"
I replied, "Sex has been my best friend all my life but now it has left me for ever. I couldn't live any longer so lonely." and the doctor said, "Look mister, you should understand that sex isn't a man's best friend so get yourself a dog."

More hilarious jokes: 

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2) Pregnant Daughter 

3) Indian Election Application form 

4) My dog is sex 

5) Funny real funny 

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7) Very strange sounds 

8) Funny Marriage Proposal 

9) Small cox Joke 

10)  Precher's Ass