Out of Stock

Out of Stock!!!

 

Santa was appointed as sales person at a local store in Chandigarh. While on one of his shifts, a lady approached him and asked if they had 'Peach Jam' to which he bluntly replied, "Out of stock." At this, the lady immediately turned to leave the shop in disgruntlement. It was then that the shopkeeper, who had been looking on, called Santa aside and told him, "When a customer asks for a product that is out of stock, you apologize for its unavailability, and then offer other types of the same product. For instance in this case it was peach jam; offer other types of jam like pineapple jam, guava, aprioct jam and so on." Next, came in another lady who asked for toilet paper and Santa politely replied, ""I am sorry ma'am, we do not have any toilet paper right now but you could try some Carbon Paper or Sand Paper!"

A Great Actor

There was once a great actor who could no longer remember his lines. After many years he finds a theater where they are prepared to give him a chance to shine again.

The director says, "This is the most important part, and it has only one line. You walk on to the stage carrying a rose. You hold the rose to your nose with just one finger and thumb, sniff the rose deeply and then say the line "Ah, the sweet aroma of my mistress."

The actor is thrilled. All day long before the play he was practicing his line over and over again.

Finally, the time came. The curtain went up, the actor walked onto the stage, and using just one finger he delivered the line, "Ah! The sweet aroma of my mistress."

The theater erupted, the audience was screaming with laughter and the director was steaming!

"You bloody fool!" he cried, "you have ruined me!"

The actor was bewildered, "What happened, did I forget my line?"

"No!" Screamed the director. "You forgot the rose!"

War on USA

Barack Obama was sitting in his office wondering whom to invade next when his telephone rang.
'Hello, Mr. Obama!' a heavily accented voice said, 'This is Gurmukh from Phagwara, District Kapurthala, Punjab .. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring the war on you!'
'Well, Gurmukh,' Obama replied, 'This is indeed important news! How big is your army?'
'Right now,' said Gurmukh, after a moment's calculation, 'there is myself, my cousin Sukhdev, my next door neighbor Bhagat, and the entire kabaddi team from the gurudwara. That makes eight.'
Obama paused. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command.'
'Arrey O! Main kya..' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to ring you back!'
Sure enough, the next day, Gurmukh called again.
'Mr. Obama, it is Gurmukh, I'm calling from Phagwara STD, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment.'
'And what equipment would that be, Gurmukh?' Obama asked.
'Well, we have two combines, a donkey and Amrik's tractor.'
Obama sighed. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 16,000 tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also, I've increased my army to 1-1/2 million since we last spoke.'
'Oh teri....' said Gurmukh. 'I'll have to get back to you.'
Sure enough, Gurmukh rang again the next day.
'Mr. Obama, the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne.... .. We've modified Amrik's tractor by adding a couple of shotguns, sticking on some wings and the pind's generator. Four school pass boys from Malpur have joined us as well!'
Obama was silent for a minute and then cleared his throat. 'I must tell you, Gurmukh, that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!'
'Tera bhala hove....' said Gurmuk, 'I'll have to ring you back.'
Sure enough, Gurmukh called again the next day.
'Kiddan, Mr.Obama! I am sorry to tell you that we have had to call off the war.'
'I'm sorry to hear that,' said Obama. 'Why the sudden change of heart?'
'Well,' said Gurmukh, 'we've all had a long chat over a couple of lassi's, and decided there's no way we can feed two million prisoners of wars!!'
NOW, THAT'S CALLED PUNJABI CONFIDENCE!!
😝😝😝

Too Expensive

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Banta was walking down the street when he sees a woman with perfect breasts.

He says to her, "Hey, miss, would you let me bite your breasts for Rs 500?"

"Are you nuts?" she replies, and starts to walk away.

He says, "You wouldn't let me do it for even Rs 1,000?"

"Listen, sir, I'm not that kind of woman. Got it?"

He says, "How about Rs 10,000?"

The woman thinks about this for a while and says, "You'll pay me Ten thousand to bite my breasts?"

Banta nods.

She reluctantly says, "Let's go to that dark alley over there."

They go to the alley and she takes off her blouse. Banta begins caressing her breasts, kissing them, and fondling them.

Finally, the woman gets all annoyed and says, "Are you going to bite them, or what?"

"Nah," Banta replies. "Too expensive!"

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Crack In The Shoe

Luigi walks to work 20 blocks everyday and passes a shoe store twice every day. Each day he stops and looks in the window to admire the Armani leather shoes. He wants those shoes so much... it's all he can think about. After about 2 months he saves the price of the shoes, $300, and purchased them.

Every Friday night the Italian community holds a dance in the church basement. Luigi seizes this opportunity to wear his new Armani leather shoes for the first time.

He asks Sophia to dance and as they dance he asks her, "Sophia, do you wear red panties tonight?"

Startled, Sophia replies, "Yes, Luigi , I do wear red panties tonight, but how do you know?"

Luigi answers, "I see the reflection in my new $300 Armani leather shoes. How do you like them?"

Next he asks Rosa to dance, and after a few minutes he asks, "Rosa , do you wear white panties tonight?"

Rosa answers, "Yes, Luigi , I do, but how do you know that?"

He replies, "I see the reflection in my new$300 Armani leather shoes... How do you like them?"

Now as the evening is almost over and the last song is being played, Luigi asks Carmela to dance. Midway through the dance his face turns red... He states, "Carmela, be stilla my heart. Please, please tell me you wear no panties tonight. Please, please, tella me this true!" Carmela smiles coyly and answers, "Yes Luigi , I wear no panties tonight..."

Luigi gasps, "Thanka Goda ....I thought I had a CRACK in my$300 Armani leather shoes...!"
. . . .

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More hilarious jokes: 

1) Girl's First time 

2) Pregnant Daughter 

3) Indian Election Application form 

4) My dog is sex 

5) Funny real funny 

6) Indian Michel Jackson 

7) Very strange sounds 

8) Funny Marriage Proposal 

9) Small cox Joke 

10)  Precher's Ass

New Client

A saleswoman from a major condom company was required to travel cross-country to meet a perspective buyer.
Her boss asked her to take about 100 condoms of various types with her. As she was running late for her flight, she simply stuffed them all into her briefcase.
The cab ride to the airport was delayed by traffic and she had just enough time to throw her ticket at the counter and run onto the plane.
As she jumped into the airplane, she dropped her briefcase and all the condoms flew out all over the floor in front of all the passengers and crew.
They all stared amazed at the display and then looked to the woman who said sheepishly, "I'm meeting a new client." 

Check these hilarious jokes too:
1. Better lover .. Wife or Maid?
2. Gentleman Husband.
3. Cheating Wife
4. Bank Robbery

5. Mom I know reason why dad left you.

6.Men Strike Back

7. White Baby Black Mom

8. Only 24 hours to Live

9. Mightiest of All

10. Little Johny In School.

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Dating Tips

A father said, "Son, the object of dating is to SCORE! And to do that, you have to give the woman something. So when you pick up your date later, make sure you have some flowers or chocolates to give her. Girls go crazy over that stuff. The more you give, the more you get!"

So, he showed up with flowers AND chocolates. She was very flattered and pleased, and she rewarded him with a long, passionate kiss. She pressed her chest against him and rubbed her fingers through his hair, hoping to give him the best kiss that he had ever received. After the kiss, he turned and bolted for the door.

"Oh! I'm sorry," she said. "I didn't mean to scare you away."

"You didn't!" he replied. "I'm going out to get you some jewellery!"

--> Check these Hilarious Jokes/ Pics too.

1. Church Joke
2. Curren Affair Cartoons
3. Things Drunkard Say
4. Happens Only In India
5. Happens only in India - 2
6. Happens only In India- 3
7. Happens only In India -4
8. Happens only In India-5
9. Happens only in India -6
10. Happens only in India- 7 

Gorilla Encounter

 Two gay guys are at the Zoo. They come across a gorilla and notice that the male gorilla has a massive erection. The gay men are fascinated by this.

One of the men just can't bear it any longer, and he reaches into the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and mates with him for two hours non-stop, while the zoo attendants helplessly stand by. When he's done, the gorilla throws the man out of the cage.

An ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

A few days later, his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT?" he shouts. "Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called! He hasn't written!" 

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More Hilarious Jokes :

1) Girl's First time

2) Pregnant Daughter

3) Indian Election Application form

4) My dog is sex

5) Funny real funny

6) Indian Michel Jackson

7) Very strange sounds

8) Funny Marriage Proposal

9) Small cox Joke

10) Precher's Ass

11) First Thing FIrst
12) Who is real Father?

When Is Your Birthday

Mulla:  Mr. Sardar when is  your birthday?

Sardar: Next week, why?

Mulla:  So I can gift you curtains. I am quite bored seeing you having sex with your wife.

Sardar: Ok , But when is your birthday?

Mulla: Next month, why?

Sardar: So I can present you with binoculars. So you can see whose wife it is.

Moral:  It is not always that a Sardar is at receiving end of joke.

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Check these hilarious jokes too:
1. Better lover .. Wife or Maid?
2. Gentleman Husband.
3. Cheating Wife
4. Bank Robbery

5. Mom I know reason why dad left you.

6.Men Strike Back

7. White Baby Black Mom

8. Only 24 hours to Live

9. Mightiest of All

10. Little Johny In School.

7 Ways To Know The Make Of Your Phone

HOW TO KNOW IF YOUR PHONE IS
MADE IN CHINA..
.
.
1. It gets full after 3 minutes of
charging..
2. The phone has TV, Touchscreen,
Nail cutter,
fire lighter etc.
3. Text message can be written with
a toothpick.
4. There are some spelling mistakes
e.g
NokLa, blackderry, i-porn, samswag
etc.
5. When an aeroplane passes by it
records"one missed call"
6. When a big truck hoots; it records
"charger connected"
7. When a Chinese man passes by
you it says"one Bluetooth device
found "

Check These Hilarious Jokes too

1. Anal Suppositiries

2. Oral Sex

3. Communication Gap

4. Intellegent Minister

5. Virgin Bride

6. Captain and Lovely Lady

7. I Love Genie

8. Who Am I

9. Pickle Slicer

10.Will You Marry Again

 

Never Lie To Your Mom

Brian Hester invited his mother over for dinner. During the course of the meal, Brian’s mother couldn’t help but keep noticing how beautiful Brian’s roommate, Stephanie, was.
Mrs. Hester had long been suspicious of a relationship between Brian and Stephanie, and this had only made her more curious.
Over the course of the evening, while watching the two react, Mrs. Hester started to wonder if there was more between Brian and Stephanie than met the eye.
Reading his mom’s thoughts, Brian volunteered, “I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you Stephanie and I are just roommates.”
About a week later, Stephanie came to Brian saying, “Ever since your mother came to dinner, I’ve been unable to find the beautiful silver gravy ladle. You don’t suppose she took it, do you?”
Brian said, “Well, I doubt it, but I’ll send her an e-mail just to be sure.”
So he sat down and wrote:
“Dear Mother, I’m not saying that you “did” take the gravy ladle from the house, I’m not saying that you “did not” take the gravy ladle. But the fact remains that Stephanie’s has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Brian
Several days later, Brian received a letter from his mother that read:
“Dear Son, I’m not saying that you “do” sleep with Stephanie, and I’m not saying that you “do not” sleep with Stephanie. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her own bed, she would have found the gravy ladle by now. Love, Mom”
Lesson of the day…Never Lie to your Mother

Check these Hilarious Jokes/ Pics too.

1. Church Joke
2. Curren Affair Cartoons
3. Things Drunkard Say
4. Happens Only In India
5. Happens only in India - 2
6. Happens only In India- 3
7. Happens only In India -4
8. Happens only In India-5
9. Happens only in India -6
10. Happens only in India- 7

Hair Cut

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut.
After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'Thank You' card and a dozen roses waiting for him at his door.

Later, a cop comes in for a haircut, and when he tries to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you , I'm doing community service this week.'

The cop was happy and left the shop.

The next morning when the barber went to open up, there was a 'Thank You' card and a dozen donuts waiting for him at his door.

Then a politician came in for a haircut, and when he went to pay his bill, the barber again replied, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm doing community service this week.

The politician was very happy and left the shop.

The next morning, when the barber went to open up,
there were a dozen politicians lined up waiting for a free haircut.

And that, my friends, illustrates the fundamental difference between the citizens of our country and the politicians who run it.

REMEMBER: POLITICIANS AND DIAPERS SHOULD BE CHANGED OFTEN AND FOR THE SAME REASON.

If you don't forward this, nothing bad will happen !
But someone will miss good a laugh 

--> Check these Hilarious Jokes/ Pics too.

1. Church Joke
2. Curren Affair Cartoons
3. Things Drunkard Say
4. Happens Only In India
5. Happens only in India - 2
6. Happens only In India- 3
7. Happens only In India -4
8. Happens only In India-5
9. Happens only in India -6
10. Happens only in India- 7

What is a church?

A well-worn one-dollar bill and a similarly distressed twenty-dollar bill arrived at a Federal Reserve Bank to be retired. As they moved along the conveyor belt to be burned, they struck up a conversation.

The twenty-dollar bill reminisced about its travels all over the country, "I've had a pretty good life," the twenty proclaimed. Why I've been to Las Vegas and Atlantic City, the finest restaurants in New York, performances on Broadway, and even a cruise to the Caribbean."

"Wow!" said the one-dollar bill. "You've really had an exciting life!"

"So tell me," says the twenty, "Where have you been throughout your lifetime?"

The one dollar bill replies, "Oh, I've been to the Methodist Church, the Baptist Church, the Lutheran Church..."

The twenty-dollar bill interrupts, "What's a church?" 
 Check these Hilarious Jokes/ Pics too.
1. Church Joke
  2. Curren Affair Cartoons
  3. Things Drunkard Say
  4. Happens Only In India
  5. Happens only in India - 2
  6. Happens only In India- 3
  7. Happens only In India -4 
  8. Happens only In India-5
  9. Happens only in India -6
  10. Happens only in India- 7

 

Winning A contest

Two guys went to a gas station that was holding a contest: a chance to win free sex when you filled your tank. They pumped their gas and went to pay the male attendant.

"I'm thinking of a number between one and ten," he said. "If you guess right, you win free sex."

"Okay," agreed one of the guys, "I guess seven."

"Sorry, I was thinking of eight," replied the attendant.

The next week they tried again. When they went to pay, the attendant told them to pick a number.

"Two!" said the second guy.

"Sorry, it's three, said the attendant. "Come back and try again."

As they walked out to their car, one guy said to the other, "I think this contest is rigged."

"No way," said his buddy. "My wife won twice last week."

-->

Check these Hilarious Jokes/ Pics too.

1. Church Joke
2. Curren Affair Cartoons
3. Things Drunkard Say
4. Happens Only In India
5. Happens only in India - 2
6. Happens only In India- 3
7. Happens only In India -4
8. Happens only In India-5
9. Happens only in India -6
10. Happens only in India- 7

Cheating Wife

A guy thought his wife was cheating on him.So he waited for her to leave that night and jumped in a cab to follow her. By following her he found out she was working in a whorehouse. The guy says to the cabbie, "Wanna make a $ 100?" The cabbie says, "Sure, what do I have to do?". The guy replied that all the cabbie has to do was go inside the whorehouse and grab his wife and put her in the back of the cab and take them home. So the cabbie goes in. A couple of minutes later the whore house gets kicked open, and the cabbie is dragging this woman out who is kicking, biting, punching, and fighting all the way to the cab. The cabbie opens the door to the cab, throws the girl inside, and tells the man, "Here, hold her!!" The man looks down at the girl and says to the cabbie, "THIS AIN'T MY WIFE". The cabbie replied, "I KNOW, IT'S MINE; I'M GOING BACK IN FOR YOURS!!".

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More hilarious jokes: 

1) Girl's First time 

2) Pregnant Daughter 

3) Indian Election Application form 

4) My dog is sex 

5) Funny real funny 

6) Indian Michel Jackson 

7) Very strange sounds 

8) Funny Marriage Proposal 

9) Small cox Joke 

10)  Precher's Ass

Women Strike Back

Q. What is the similarity between a shrimp and a man?
A. You can enjoy all but the head.
Q. What is the similarity between a dolphin and a man?
A. They are both said to be intelligent, but no one can prove this.
Q. What is the similarity between a microwave oven and a man?
A. They both get hot in 15 seconds.
Q. Why can’t a man be both good looking and intelligent?
A. Since that would make him a woman.
Q. Why is a man’s brain the size of a peanut?
A. Because it is swollen.
Q. Why are batteries better than men?
A. Batteries have at least one positive end.
Q. Why does it take one million sperm to fertilize one egg?
A. Because sperm are male and they refuse to ask directions.
Q. Why are men like the letter Q?
A. Because it is a big fat zero with a small protrusion.
Q. Why do fewer women get married these days?
A. Because they would rather have bacon in the fridge, than a pig in the living room.
Q. What is the similarity between a video recorder and a man?
A. They go forwards, backwards, forwards, and backwards, stop and eject!
Q. Why is the male intelligence worth more than the female?
A. It is rarer.
Q. Why do men prefer to marry virgins?
A. They cannot handle the criticism.
Q. What do you call an attractive, intelligent and sensitive man.
A. A rumor.
Q. Why don’t men go through menopause?
A. They never left puberty.


Q:Why do men have to flex their muscles around women so much?
A:Because they have nothing else to brag about.
Q:What is the best way to get a man to stop pestering you?
A:Stare at his crotch and laugh.
Q:Why do men never stop to ask for directions?
A:Because they aren't lost, they just don't know where they are.
Q:If a man speaks in the forest and there is no woman to hear him, is he still wrong?
A:YES!!!
Why do men think they're so superior if they have to become men while women just are?
3 ways to have fun with men:
1.tell him that this girl he likes wants a kiss
2.take out the batteries on the remote and then tell him that a Football game is on
3.wait till the first two are complete, then innocently tell him that you thought he knew better.

Fill In The Blanks

Fill in the blanks
1.BOO_S
2. _ _NDOM
3.F_ _ K
4.P_ N_S
5.PU_S_
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

.

.


.


.

.

.

.

.

.
Ans
1.BOOKS
2.RANDOM
3.FORK
4.PANTS
5.PULSE
Dirty Mind =P

Check these hilarious jokes too:

1. Better lover .. Wife or Maid?
2. Gentleman Husband.
3. Cheating Wife
4. Bank Robbery

5. Mom I know reason why dad left you.

6.Men Strike Back

7. White Baby Black Mom

8. Only 24 hours to Live

9. Mightiest of All

10. Little Johny In School.

Double Insult

More hilarious jokes: 

1) Girl's First time 

2) Pregnant Daughter 

3) Indian Election Application form 

4) My dog is sex 

5) Funny real funny 

6) Indian Michel Jackson 

7) Very strange sounds 

8) Funny Marriage Proposal 

9) Small cox Joke 

10)  Precher's Ass

Honest Wood cutter

A Woodcutter Loses his Axe  Lord Offers him Both Gold & Silver
but He takes his Own Axe  Seeing his Honesty Lord gives him All 3.

One day he goes Again to the Forest with his Wife. But his Wife Falls into The River, he Cries and Pleads to the  Lord to give him his Wife back.
Lord brings Out Angelina Jolie & Asked
'Is this your Wife'
He Replied - Yes.!
Lord said 'you Lied and you are  gonna be Punished'
He Said 'wait ...Lord I Lied because if I had Said No, You Would have taken out Cameron Diaz.
If Then I said no, you Would have taken Out My Wife and Seeing my Honesty, You Would have Given me All 3.
But I m a Poor Man, I Can't keep All 3. So I said Yes to Angelina.
God: You are going to make me cry. Take Angelina

Moral: Men are Honest Liars. ;)

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2.  What Made Doctor Laugh

3. Love In Car

4. Insemination

5. Virgin Couple on Honey Moon

6. Ship Wrecked Guy

7. Horse Racing

8. Church And Saitan

9. Beer Lover

10.Psychotherapist

Indian Government

1. Blowing Smoke

2. Sperm Count

3. What double dose of viagra can do?

4. High Glucose Levels in Sperms

5. Viagra For Females

6. Penile Amputation

7. Intelligent or smart?

8. Best Christmas Gift

9.Blood samples

10.Test Tube Baby