Exciting Cruise Journey

Dear Diary - Day 1
All packed for the cruise ship -- all my nicest dresses, swimsuits, short sets. Really, really exciting. Our local Red Hat chapter decided on this "all-girls" trip.

Dear Diary - Day 2
Entire day at sea, beautiful. Saw whales and dolphins. Met the Captain today -- seems like a very nice man.

Dear Diary - Day 3
At the pool today. Did some shuffleboard, hit golf balls off the deck. Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. Felt honoured and had a wonderful time. He is very attractive and attentive.

Dear Diary - Day 4
Won $800.00 in the ship's casino. Captain asked me to have dinner with him in his own cabin. Had a scrumptious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night, but I declined. Told him I could not be unfaithful to my husband.

Dear Diary - Day 5

Pool again today. Got sunburned, and I went inside to drink at piano-bar, stayed there for rest of day. Captain saw me, bought me several large drinks. Really is charming. He again asked me to visit his cabin for the night. Again I declined. He told me, if I did not let him have his way with me, he would sink the ship.. I was shocked.

Dear Diary - Day 6
Today I saved 1600 lives. Twice

Check these hilarious jokes too:

1. Girl's First Time

2. How do people love their wives?

3. Memory Problems

4. What is headache?

5. Money for sex

6. Furniture surprise.

7. How to make a woman Happy?

8. Where has my money gone?

9. X- Ray Glasses

10. Your wife is one month over due.

Love you Genie

A husband and wife were out enjoying a round of golf.

On the third tee, the wife slices her shot right through the large front window of the biggest house along the course. They enter the house and see a broken bottle and a man.

Man - I want to thank you. I am a genie that was trapped for 1000 years in the bottle. I will give you 1 wish each, and I will keep 1 for myself.

Husband - I want a billion dollars.

Wife - I want a house in every country of the world.

Genie - Done.

Husband - And what is your wish genie?

Genie - Well, since I haven't loved a woman in a thousand years, my wish is to sleep with your wife.

Husband - We'll get lots of money. I guess I don't mind.

So the genie and the woman went upstairs where they spent the rest of the afternoon enjoying each other. The genie was insatiable.

After about three hours of nonstop sex, the Genie rolled over and looked directly into her eyes and asked, "How old are you and your husband?"

"We're both 35," she responded breathlessly.

"Really?" he says. "Thirty-five years old and both of you still believe in genies?

Check these hilarious jokes too:

1. Toast For Wife

2. Difference Between Male and Female Prayer

3. Do You know answers to these simple Questions?

4. Confessions of Dying Wife

5. Indian Hell

6. Song Of A Married Lady

7. Dying Gift

8. New Dictionary

9. Can anyone answer this ?

10. Cost Of Marriage.

Who Am I?

One Monday morning, a mailman is walking the neighbourhood on his usual route. As he approaches one of the homes, Banta the homeowner is coming out with a load of empty beer and liquor bottles. 
"Wow, looks like you guys had a hell of a party this weekend," the mailman comments.
Banta replies, "We had about 15 couples from around the neighbourhood over and things got a bit wild. We got so drunk that we started playing 'Who Am I?'" 
The mailman says, "How do you play that?"
Banta continues, "Well, all the guys go in the bedroom and we come out one at a time with a sheet covering us, with only our units showing through a hole in the sheet. Then the women try to guess who it is." 
The mailman laughs and says, "I'm sorry I missed that."
Banta responds, "But your name was guessed four or five times."

Check these hilarious jokes too:

1. Small Cox
2. Who Is Real Father
3. One Stone
4. Moral Of The Story
5.Ant & Grasshopper
6. Mississippi Joke
7. Italian Guy
8. Priest & Little Johny

9. Golden Bar

10. Impressive Talent

Pickle Slicer

Bill worked in a pickle factory. He had been employed there for a number of years when he came home one day to confess to his wife that he had a terrible compulsion. He had an urge to stick his penis into the pickle slicer. His wife suggested that he should see a sex therapist to talk about it, but Bill indicated that he'd be too embarrassed. He vowed to overcome the compulsion on his own. One day a few weeks later, Bill came home absolutely ashen. His wife could see at once that something was seriously wrong. "What's wrong, Bill?" she asked. "Do you remember that I told you how I had this tremendous urge to put my penis into the pickle slicer?" "Oh, Bill, you didn't." "Yes, I did." "My God, Bill, what happened?" "I got fired.." "No, Bill. I mean, what happened with the pickle slicer?" "Oh...she got fired too."

Check these hilarious jokes too:

1. Very Funny Marriage Proposal

2. Strange Sounds

3. Indian Michel Jackson

4. Indians Must Watch

5. My Dog's name is Sex

6. India's Elections Application Form

7. Pregnant Daughter

8. Did you pay for Sex with wife?

9. Poetic Boy Friends

10. Preacher Ass Show

Will you marry again if I die?

Reena: "What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?"

Sonu: "Definitely not!"

Reena: "Why not - don't you like being married?"

Sonu: "Of course I do."

Reena: "Then why wouldn't you remarry?"

Sonu: "Okay, I'd get married again."

Reena: "You would? (with a hurtful look on her face).

Sonu: (makes audible groan).

Reena: 'Would you live in our house?'

Sonu: 'Sure, it's a great house.'

Reena: 'Would you sleep with her in our bed?'

Sonu: 'Where else would we sleep?'

Reena: 'Would you let her drive my car?'

Sonu: 'Probably, it is almost new.'

Reena: 'Would you replace my pictures with hers?'

Sonu: 'That would seem like the proper thing to do.'

Reena: 'Would you give her my jewellry?'

Sonu: 'No, I'm sure she'd want her own.'

Reena: 'Would she wear my shoes?'

Sonu: 'No, her size is 6.'

Reena: Silence.................

Sonu: 'Shit'.

Check these hilarious jokes too:

1. Very Funny Marriage Proposal

2. Strange Sounds

3. Indian Michel Jackson

4. Indians Must Watch

5. My Dog's name is Sex

6. India's Elections Application Form

7. Pregnant Daughter

8. Did you pay for Sex with wife?

9. Poetic Boy Friends

10. Preacher Ass Show

Strange Laws in California

California Crazy Law

Sunshine is guaranteed to the masses.

Animals are banned from mating publicly within 1,500 feet of a tavern, school, or place of worship.

In an animal shelter, lizards and snakes are treated under the same guidelines as cats and dogs.

No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.

Women may not drive in a house coat.

It is a misdemeanor to shoot at any kind of game from a moving vehicle, unless the target is a whale.

Arcadia

Peacocks have the right of way to cross any street, including driveways.

Alhambra

You cannot leave your car on the street overnight without the proper permit.

Baldwin Park

Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.

Belvedere

City Council order reads: "No dog shall be in a public place without its master on a leash."

Blythe

You are not permitted to wear cowboy boots unless you already own at least two cows.

Burlingame

It is illegal to spit, except on baseball diamonds.

Carmel

Ice cream may not be eaten while standing on the sidewalk. (Repealed when Clint Eastwood was mayor)

Women may not wear high heels while in the city limits.

Chico

Detonating a nuclear device within the city limits results in a $500 fine.

Downey

It is illegal to wash your car in the street. (Passed 1995).

Hollywood

It is illegal to drive more than two thousand sheep down Hollywood Boulevard at one time.

Lafayette

You are forbidden to spit on the ground within 5 feet of another person.

Lodi

It is illegal to own or sell "Silly String".

Lompoc

It is illegal to posses, own or raise roosters. This is considered disturbing the peace.

Long Beach

It is illegal to curse on a mini-golf course.

Cars are the only item allowed in a garage.

Los Angeles

Toads may not be licked.

You may not hunt moths under a street light.

It is a crime for dogs to mate within 500 yards of a church. Breaking this law is punishable by a fine of $500 and/or six months in prison.

You cannot bathe two babies in the same tub at the same time.

Zoot suits are prohibited.

It is illegal to cry on the witness stand.

It is illegal for a man to beat his wife with a strap wider than 2 inches without her consent.

Ontario

Roosters may not crow in the city limits.

Pacific Grove

Molesting butterflies can result in a $500 fine.

Palm Springs

It is illegal to walk a camel down Palm Canyon Drive between the hours of four and six PM.

Pasadena

It is illegal for a secretary to be alone in a room with her boss.

Prunedale

Two bathtubs may not be installed in the same house.

Redlands

Motor vehicles may not drive on city streets unless a man with a lantern is wallking ahead of it.

Riverside

One may not carry a lunch down the street between 11 and 1 o'clock.

San Diego

The owners of houses with Christmas lights on them past February second may be fined up to $250.

It is illegal to shoot jackrabbits from the back of a streetcar.

San Francisco

Persons classified as "ugly" may not walk down any street.

Prohibits elephants from strolling down Market Street unless they are on a leash.

It is illegal to pile horse manure more than six feet high on a street corner.

It is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear.

San Jose

It is illegal to have more than two cats or dogs. -Ord. 7.08.595

Santa Monica

You may not play percussion instruments on the beach.

Temecula

Ducks have the right of way to cross Rancho California St. at all times.

Check these hilarious jokes too:
1. Very Funny Marriage Proposal
2. Strange Sounds
3. Indian Michel Jackson
4. Indians Must Watch
5. My Dog's name is Sex
6. India's Elections Application Form
7. Pregnant Daughter
8. Did you pay for Sex with wife?
9. Poetic Boy Friends
10. Preacher Ass Show

Last Letter

Dear Husband:
I'm writing you this letter to tell you that I'm leaving you for good. I've been a good woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks have been hell.
Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was the last straw.
Last week, you came home and didn't notice that I had gotten my hair and nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee.
You came home and ate in two minutes, and went straight to sleep after watching the game.
You don't tell me you love me anymore, you don't touch me or anything.
You’re cheating or you don't love me anymore, what ever the case is, I'm gone.

P.S. If you're trying to find me, don't. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your Ex-Wife

Dear Ex-Wife:
Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It's true that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry from what you've been.
I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant nagging. Too bad that doesn't work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind was "You look just like a man!"
My mother raised me to not say anything if you can't say anything nice. When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.
After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone.
Everything happens for a reason I guess. I hope you have the fulfilling life you always wanted. My lawyer said with the letter that you wrote, you won't get a dime from me. So take care.
P.S. I don't know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that's not a problem.
Signed: Rich and Free!

Check these hilarious jokes too:
1. Very Funny Marriage Proposal
2. Strange Sounds
3. Indian Michel Jackson
4. Indians Must Watch
5. My Dog's name is Sex
6. India's Elections Application Form
7. Pregnant Daughter
8. Did you pay for Sex with wife?
9. Poetic Boy Friends
10. Preacher Ass Show