Q: How many men does it take to open a beer?
A: None. It should be opened by the time she brings it.
Q: Why is a laundromat a really bad place to pick up a woman?
A: Because a woman who can't even afford a washing machine will never be able to support you.
Q: Why do women have smaller feet than men?
A: So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.
Q: How do you know when a woman's about to say something smart?
A: When she starts her sentence with "A man once told me..."
Q: How do you fix a woman's watch?
A:You don't. There's a clock on the oven!
Q: Why do men pass gas more than women do?
A: Because women won't shut up long enough to build up pressure.
Q: If your dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the front door, which do you let in first?
A: The dog of course...at least he'll shut up after you let him in.
All wives are alike, but they have different faces so you can tell them apart.
Q: What's worse than a Male Chauvinist Pig?
A: A woman that won't do what she's told.
Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
I married Miss Right. I just didn't know her first name was always.
I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months - I don't like to interrupt her.
Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.
Bigamy is having one wife too many.
Some say monogamy is the same.
Scientists have discovered one certain food that diminishes a woman's sex drive by 90%... wedding cake.
This is a funny joke sent to me by a very close friend of mine. Hope you people enjoy this.
THE U.S. VERSION
Ant & Grasshopper:The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.The Grasshopper thinks the Ant is a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.Come winter ,the Ant is warm and well fed. The Grasshopper has no food or shelter so he dies out in the cold.
INDIAN Version:
The Ant works hard in the withering heat all summer building its house and laying up supplies for the winter.The Grasshopper thinks the Ant's a fool and laughs & dances & plays the summer away.Come winter, the shivering Grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the Ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while others are cold and starving.NDTV, BBC, CNN show up to provide pictures of the shivering Grasshopper next to a video of the Ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food.The World is stunned by the sharp contrast. How can this be that this poor Grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?Arundhati Roy stages a demonstration in front of the Ant's house.Medha Patkar goes on a hunger strike along with other Grasshoppers demanding that Grasshoppers be relocated to warmer climates during winter.Amnesty International criticizes the Indian Government for not upholding the fundamental rights of the Grasshopper.The Internet is flooded with online petitions seeking support to the Grasshopper.The BJP stages a walkout in Parliament and demands an apology from Sonia Gandhi.Left parties call for a "Bharat Bandh" in West Bengal and Kerala demanding a Judicial Enquiry.
CPM in West Bengal immediately passes a law preventing Ants from working hard in the heat so as to bring about equality of poverty among Ants and Grasshoppers.Mamata Banerjee allocates one free coach to Grasshoppers on all Indian Railway Trains, aptly named as the 'Grasshopper Rath'.Finally, the Judicial Committee drafts the 'Prevention of Terrorism Against Grasshoppers Act' [POTAGA], with effect from the beginning of the winter.Arjun Singh makes 'Special Reservation' for Grasshoppers in Educational Institutions & in Government Services.The Ant is fined for failing to comply with POTAGA and having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes,it's home is confiscated by the Government and handed over to the Grasshopper in a ceremony covered by NDTV.Arundhati Roy calls it 'A Triumph of Justice'.Lalu-Mulayam call it 'Socialistic Justice'.CPM calls it the 'Revolutionary Resurgence of the Downtrodden'.The Grasshopper is invited to address the UN General Assembly.
Many years later...The Ant has since migrated to the US and set up a multi-billion dollar company in Silicon Valley ..100s of Grasshoppers still die of starvation despite reservation somewhere in India ..As a result of loosing lot of hard working Ants and feeding the Grasshoppers, India is still a developing country!!!
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